English is essentially Pictish that was attacked out of nowhere by Angles cohabiting with Teutons who were done in by a drunk bunch of Vikings masquerading as Frenchmen who insisted they spoke Latin and Greek but lacked the Arabic in which to convey that.
English is essentially a language that uses vowels no other language would accept.
Inglish iz issenshali a langwidje dhat, wen rittun fonetkli, iz ilejibul tu netiv spikerz.
Written English is essentially a variety of Old French invented by somebody who spoke only Saxon and read only Latin.
English is essentially a West Germanic language that's trying very hard to look like a Romance one.
English is essentially language's equivalent to a transvestite.
American English is essentially an Irish tongue in a Dutch mouth.
Swedish, Norwegian and Danish are actually the same language. It's just that the Norwegians can't spell it, and the Danes can't pronounce it.
Danish is essentially Norwegian, only you drop out all the consonants, skip all the vowels and then mispronounce the rest.
German is essentially a philosophical cough.
German is essentially a language developed by a group of Teutons who gathered in the forest one day to come up with a language that their enemies would have no chance of grasping.
Germänn ist eßëntiälly Ënglisch mit ein few Tschängen und das käpitäal Lëtteren und Lötten von Dötten.
Dutch is essentially German as spoken by the members of a conspiracy who pretend not to speak German.
Dutsj is essensjullie a Loo Sjurmennik lenkwitsj wis det vunkie letter (det riepleezes Y) plus a serieuslie koel ortografie.
Yiddish is essentially a Slavic language where most of the words just happen to be German.
German essentially Gothic with Latin syntax is.
Spanish is essentially Italian spoken by Arabs.
Classical Latin is essentially an artificial language devised to make the vulgar Roman aristocracy sound intelligent.
French is essentially Latin spoken by a drunken Roman soldier.
Franche est essentialement englaishe ouithe les endinges funnies et lottes de vowelles et les adjectifs en alle les places ronges.
Brazilian is essentially Spanish spoken by Portuguese hot babes with rhythm.
Irish is essentially an Indo-European language cunningly disguised as gibberish to perplex the English.
Finnish is essentially Japanese spoken with an Italian accent.
Ffiinnnniisshh iiss eesssseennttiiaallllyy aa llaanngguuaaggee ffoorr ppeeooppllee wwiitthh ddoouubbllee vviissiioonn.
And whee. Final's tonight!